By Robert Flowers
Construction on campus is all a lie.
The world is ending. This reporter has found the truth in quite the mysterious way.
On Monday , I came across an interesting conversation when I pass the construction site.
“We found an even larger bedrock sir. With this, we can truly see our dreams come true, sir.” The other man said, “Shut up and get back to work!” That man was obviously the boss. This needed to be looked into.
The investigation began when an unknown Hispanic worker left the site and a question was asked by myself, “What exactly the hell are you people hiding from everyone!”
I was very subtle. The unknown man responded with, “I don’t speak English.”
I believed he might be telling the truth until he looked down and said, “Nice shoes, b***h.” Obviously this made me second guess whether he was telling the truth or not. The investigation had to go deeper.
The next day, an infiltration operation was put into action. Somehow the disguise was discovered immediately and police were called.
I was dismissed and sent away. I have no idea how they immediately found me out. Maybe it was the fact that the construction outfit was bought at a sex shop? Or maybe it was the fact that I kept saying, “I no Black, I like you. Burritos. Quince-blah. Tio.”?
I tried sneaking onto the construction site at night. At around 3 am, I snuck onto the campus with the cover of night.
Well, there really aren’t any gates like K-12 schools, so I just briskly walked in while eating a sandwich. I found the gate to the construction site slightly open, so I went right in while listening to Tim McGraw in my headphones.
I went into the building’s first floor like a ninja walked and around without a sound. However, my butt did not agree to stay silent.
That asada burrito was a menace to the operation. After going to the bathroom, I continued looking around the building until the basement was found. There, lying in wait, were two serious looking construction workers wearing sunglasses.
They had to be evil to wear sunglasses at night in a dimly lit passage. I knew I was onto something.
After getting past the sunglasses men using ancient martial arts and a 2 by 4 found on the construction, a secret passage that sloped very deep was found behind them.
It took about an hour to finally reach leveled ground and a narrow cave that was supported using metal beams. After another 10 minutes and updating my Facebook, I reached a large expansive cave. Inside all around was untainted gold everywhere the eye could see.
Suddenly, from behind me, slow, repeated claps came. I turned to see the East Los Angeles President and five large goons around him.
They were all wearing sunglasses including the president. The principal said, “Congratulations student! You have found me out.” I responded with, “How do you know my name!” The president returned with, “I never said your name.”
He must be a master of wordplay. He then began to tell me that when the original construction crew dug too deep they found gold and he had them killed and replaced with a mercenary group from South America.
He had planned to use the gold to build his own school-country and later take over the world. I didn’t know what a school-country is, but I didn’t like the sound of it. How did he find a mercenary group? Craig’s List?
After the president long, boring monologue, only one question could be asked, “So what are you going to do with me?”
The president laughed and said, “What do you think?” We stared each other down. At least I think so. After about an hour, the principal broke the silence with, “I’ll let you go.”
Write the story you want and tell everyone. I already have enough gold to buy this country and Guatemala.”
The goons came up to me, grabbed me, hit me with something incredibly hard and I passed out.
I woke up a few hours later in my bed at noon. I had a few questions in head at that time; why was I naked?
Why am I even in my bed? Why my clothes are dry cleaned and my room cleaned?
Why is there a Polaroid picture of one of the goons shirtless with sunglasses and blowing a kiss with his number underneath?
I couldn’t focus with a pounding headache, so I first grabbed the photo and set it ablaze with my lighter, got dressed and wrote this article.
Suffice to say, this school is corrupt and we as students must fight. Are you willing to stand up and defeat The Principal? I will. Right after Supernatural ends. I would regret dying without knowing how the series ends.